I guess "get over" aren't the right words because I'm falling more and more out of love with mine everyday. It's just that for some reason, whenever I see other girls flirting with him on-line it really pisses me off. OK it hurts. Still. God knows why...I should be happy. I should be preying for him to find a woman he'd want to be good to. I surely want to find a guy who fits better with me than he ever came close to.
When I try to decide which of his endearing traits I miss the most, I can't seem to choose. It's a toss up between abusive and bitter. Or possibly alcoholic; that's a good one. Maybe it's our private social interactions, A.K.A the blame game. Or his total lack of regard for the needs of other people. It could be that when he's in town, he's always home because he doesn't have a job. Or any money. Or even a drivers license.
More likely, it's the rare occasion when his cheesy grin is so contagious. The times he makes me laugh. The way our bodies match so well together all spooned up on the couch. Watching him wrestle with our son, the laughter pouring out of them. Enjoying a meal he cooked for dinner, or coming home to a house he cleaned.
The reason doesn't matter much when the story stays the same. I'm still here leaning on unstable where sturdy should be. Still alone and therefor lonely.
I know lonely is the real reason I miss him, and I know all of these feelings are "normal." That doesn't keep me from wanting it to stop.
2 comments:
YAY~ You have a pretty blog!!! I peer-pressured you into blogging!!! MWU HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
There is a quote out there i have no idea who said it, but it mentions the same sort of thing in the bible, goes something like this, a mans heart should be so wrapped up in god to get to mine. David wasn't and isn't happy with himself. Until he gets to a good place for himself, he'll never be the stable, loving, caring, father and husband you wish for my sister. It is hard to move on, ive been there, but you do get over it when you love god and realize how much god loves you!
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