Childhood. It's a funny thing. Adults don't realize how kids think, how much they listen, or how literally they interpret what's been said. I was raised by a bunch of adults who talked a lot about sex for a bunch of adults who dont believe in talking about sex. They loved to "beat aound the bush", which is a funny saying in and of itself. But anyway, at five the saying "why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free meant nothing at all too me. Jiberish. I mean, I like a little cuppa milk now and then...maybe a little on my cereal. But who needs a whole cow? Who even has the grass to feed one through the winter? Not me. It wasn't until I was nearly fourteen that I figured out what that meant. They were joking, seriously, about a man not wanting to marry you if you'd put out anyway. What the #%$* is that? Is that all women are worth?
According to my Dad, whose version of the sex talk went either "keep it in your pants" or "boys only want one thing" or some combination of the two, in rotating order...yes. That is all we're worth. As an adult, the thought often occurs to me to ask him where my mom fits in to all that. I certainly hope she's worth more to him than her creamy center. She better be, or the days of "I have a headache" are going to be awful hard on him. I'm guessing he only meant young, unmarried boys, but at eleven, fourteen, even now...who can be sure? When do those boys become anything but?
All I know is, I'm tired of thinking sex is all I have to offer a man. I can cook and clean, too! I jest, but seriously. I have big brains and I know how to use them. I'm compassionate and kind. I'm relatively humorous. Cant a guy love me for that? And can't any love we make, in or out of marriage be more than just getting in to my pants? I'd like to think a guy would be lucky to marry me, wether or not he'd already taken me bed.
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